But the change of weather alone doesn’t make this a beautiful day.

For the past month, I have been struggling to decipher the true meaning of Christmas. It seemed to me as if someone had locked the spirit of Christmas in a box and thrown the key into the abyss, determined for it never to be found.

I have spent countless days searching for something, anything that could reveal to me what Christmas is really about.

I still remember the day I told myself that it wouldn’t seem like Christmas until I heard Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas is you on the airwaves. This was the beginning of December and I was foolish enough to think that hearing a song would somehow create in me, a transformation- I would suddenly have a skip in my steps, a perpetual smile on my face…I would be more loving and patient.

When days went by without me hearing the song, I began to look elsewhere for guidance. First stop? Orchard Road of course.

I was sure that looking at the shopping centers all decked out in their finest garb, walking along the street, looking up at the lights that that hung precariously from the trees and shopping for clothes and gifts would turn the ‘It’s Christmas!’ light bulb on in my head.

What I got instead was this: trying to squeeze my way through crowds, be it 10 in the morning or 10 at night, praying that an arm wouldn’t be lost along the way as I got hit by middle-aged women with huge paper bags.

Against the backdrop of the ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ phrase that was put up on the walls of C.K. Tang, font size 235 mind you, I saw drivers who, pressing on their horns, refused to give way to others.

My own spirit had started to flag by then. If I couldn’t find the Christmas spirit in Orchard, surely it meant that searching elsewhere would be futile.

But then I remembered my Toffee Nut Latte, the 2002 Christmas coffee from Starbucks that I had drunk almost every day last Christmas. Finding Christmas in a coffee cup would make a nice story to tell. Everything would be alright once again if they brought back the coffee. I would have found what I had been looking for.

To cut a long story short, they did bring back the coffee but only for a week, before introducing the Peppermint Mocha, the hallmark, supposedly, of this Christmas. That was it for me.

I stopped searching. The Advent Sundays came and went. The significance of the advent wreath and the lighting of the candles went unnoticed by me. The Christmas tree in my house sat quietly at the corner and the presents underneath began to multiply. Nights saw me sitting on my sofa and staring into the twinkling red and yellow lights that adorned my tree. The spring-cleaning began as we scrubbed the floors and put up the curtains. What I lacked in spirit, the house more than made up for it.

All the rain that we’ve been having didn’t do anything to make me feel better. Most days saw me sitting in my room and reading or watching the television. Christmas cards went unwritten for I couldn’t think of adequate words to put in them.

But then one morning, two days before Christmas, the sun shone. I couldn’t resist going to the beach for a walk. Armed with a discman of Praise and worship songs, I brisk walked all the way from my place to the Laguna food center and back. I couldn’t help glancing up at the sky every few minutes for there were no clouds. The brilliant blue of the sky created a wonderful juxtaposition against the different shades of green found on the trees. The birds were singing. The waves crashed gently against the shore. I felt peace for the first time in months.

Along with the sense of peacefulness, came gratitude and joy and hope. It was overwhelming, to say the least. What had eluded me for so long was finally here for my taking. In fact, it had been right in front of me all along, if only I had opened my eyes a little bigger.

What I know for sure is this: Christmas is not about songs or shopping or pretty decorations. Christmas is not even about cards and trees. Instead, Christmas is realizing that we are all children of God. We have been given so much by our creator- sun, rain, the ocean, trees, birds, wind, family, friends. But more than this, we have been given life so that we may enjoy all these things to the fullest. It is not everyday that we can take time out to go to the park, meditate and connect with ourselves. However, Christmas is the perfect opportunity to do just this. Just as Jesus constantly felt the need to go away by himself to pray, we too can follow his example and find a place that lets us be ourselves. In that place, it is just God and us. Talk to him or just be silent and let him speak to you, for he will. In everything you do, let Jesus be your role model. In time, peace and joy will be yours.

It took me a walk at the beach to discover the true meaning of Christmas.
What will it take you?